I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
