Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
too bad you live with your parents still
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
