I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
