just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize