She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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