He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
