i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
did you just send me my own nude
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
