no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
