Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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