yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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