How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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