the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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