Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
