Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
