If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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