So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
