Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
