Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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