I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize