remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
