I think i peed on brittanys purse
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this will be a night to untag.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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