I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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