You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
