In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
