Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
