i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
