Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
