Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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