We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
