You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
