So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
