I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize