my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dick very happy bro
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