i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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