too bad you live with your parents still
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
