We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
