its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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