My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
