I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
