I think I died a long time ago.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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