Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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