One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Even my vagina gasped.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
