You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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