I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
