I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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