Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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