I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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