i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
