Where is the hickey?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Every concussion has its silver lining
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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