You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i believe in u and ur pee
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
