Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
