ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
