You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
4 words: hood of his car
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
