Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
