How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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