Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
