They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
