So drunk, too bad you don't want this
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
