My Higher Power is John Stamos
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
