We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
