and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
