somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
