In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
