Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
