A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
